What do I really want?

After much thought and the events that happened to me today, I feel that I should rewrite my New Year Resolutions, and create a new set of principles in life to guide me through 2011 and beyond. Two events happened today that forced me to rethink and rediscover what I truly want for 2011.

The first event was the fact that my new timetable for the upcoming semester wasn’t what I’d hope it to be. It’s utterly messy and inefficient. Day in day out, everyday, I am faced with hours of spare time and if not spent properly would be an utter waste of time, before my next lesson begins. I highly doubt that I would be able to change my timetable slots anymore, and with that I have decided to accept it as it is. I’m very disappointed to the outcome of the timetable, not because I didn’t get what I want, but rather, I wasn’t able to get the desirable timeslots with my friends. It would be a whole new challenge for me to face. At first I thought I was the only one to have faced this, but I think it has become a widespread problem among my peers. I think the greater purpose for me now, is not to direct my energy to change something that I can no longer change anymore, but rather to find ways to make the best use out of it. Perhaps this is a sign for me to ‘come out of my comfort zones’ and make new friends. Maybe perhaps, the higher calling that I am getting would be to expand my circle of friendship within my peers in my school. Who knows, I may enjoy the company of some of the most unexpected peers in my class and it would not be so bad as anticipated. I hope that this situation would be a sign for me to rediscover myself in the long run.

The second event was when a friend of mine passed his set of Biophysics notes for me to use and revise. I am truly grateful for the gesture and I will take care of the notes properly. Upon hearing his experiences with the module and judging by the notes that I have managed to glance through, I seriously think that this could truly be my Archiles Heel. I think that I am going to have a really difficult time going through the mathematical aspects of this module. I would definitely need alot of help from my peers to get through it with a B grade that I have set out for myself.

These two events that happened today made me realize how superficial and shallow my New Year Resolutions are. Couple the fact that this semester is gonna be the roughest one yet, I think it is time for me to do some deep self reflection and come up with a set of guiding principles to get me through this semester as smoothly as possible. In essence, I need to set a routine so that each and every waking day, I am filled with positive energy, rather than wallow in negativity. I need to be filled with optimism, reduce any distractions right now when I have the time to take care of it. I need to seek balance in the things that I do. I need to find strength in the things that I do. I need to look as if nothing will faze me in  times of adversity and that I can take on any challenge that life dishes at me. I need to ask myself ; what do I really want? What is it that I want to achieve? What are the principles that I adhere to that would allow me to follow the path that I truly want to take?

There is a third event that has yet to happen and it is the most feared of them all. On the 18th of January, the results will be released. Currently I am not too optimistic about the overall results. The difficulty of the physiology and microbiology papers were not something that you could be hopeful that you will get good grades. Thus, I am not putting a lot of expectations on myself regarding my performance for the semester. In fact, I blew my chance in getting good grades this semester as I have been pretty lazy towards the end. It could have direct consequences and I have yet to find ways to deal with it. If the worst would happen, it could give me a huge setback, putting me back to square one. All the effort I have put in so far this past year or so, would have gone down the drain.

That is why, in anticipation of the third event in addition to the first two, as many would call, “The Perfect Storm”, I have decided to find time to really really dig deep within myself, recall the things that I have learned, and literally talk to my heart and soul and come up with principles that would make me happy at least.