Cyclic Insomaniac

I’m not a morning person. I hate waking up before the sun rises. I hate it when the world is still dark and I had to get up for whatever reason I need to get up and start the day early. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen often. I don’t mind waking up not too early, to start my day right, but I feel so much more active when I am at night. I feel like the day just started when night falls. I feel like I have so much potential to do so many things when the sun goes down. I do feel tired from time to time, especially a long day at work. I sometimes crave to sleep early and get a good night’s rest. But everytime I do that, I can’t help but feel that it is just another wasted opportunity for me to do something that I would truly enjoy at night.

Night, with its peace and quite, is just simply beautiful. Being alone, hearing nothing but the calmness of the night is where I truly belong.

Occasionally, I get insomnia. Not bad ones. Thinking a lot sometimes, but other times, I just find it hard to sleep, taking an unusually long time to really fall asleep. Tossing and turning. Thinking. Plotting. Imagining. Fantasizing. And then I will fall asleep. Only to realise that a new day awaits. You felt like you just took a nap. But you don’t feel sleepy at all. Mentally tired, but nothing a good cup of coffee can break the exhaustion for the day ahead. And then it repeats for a few nights. It goes on every now and then. I sleep well for a period of time, and then I am as awake as an owl at night. Feeling productive, I do all sorts of things at night. Quiet things. Read, write, watch. Read ferociously. Till its past my bedtime. Past the number of hours of sleep required for a good night’s rest. Feeling grouchy the next day. Coffee in the morning. More coffee in the afternoon. Crash. Rinse. Repeat.

I dream almost every day. Vivid ones, fuzzy ones. But most of the time, I dream till I wake up. It’s like I have a second life. The moment my eyes close, the other life begins to stir. Never ending stream of visions passing right past being my eyelids. And then the alarm goes off. I open my eyes, waking up and seeing the world grounded in reality. I always see things, whether in dreams or in wakefulness. Rare do I sleep soundly where there is no visions, no dreams. Just sleep. Nightmares are rare thankfully. But some of them can be vivid, exciting and tense. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I just ran a marathon. My brain never resting. Always processing things 24/7.

I am a light sleeper most of the time. I wake up before my alarm goes off. I wake up when I hear the dogs barking on the street below when the owners were walking them. I wake up when two old ladies are having animated conversations after their morning exercise. I wake up when I hear the bathroom being used by my dad, getting ready for work. He goes to work earlier than I do. I hear all sorts of things before actually waking up from my alarm, because the world is already awake before I do. And thats a good thing. It means I wake up when the sun is already up.

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