Its been almost a semester since I entered uni. Life in uni wasn’t what I was expecting. Gone were the glory days of poly life, where you had so much fun, lessons were engaging, classroom sizes were small, and lab practical sessions were our ‘study playground’, with ample room to explore and discover new things.
I feel that uni life is kinda restricted for me. The quest to get good grades are hampered by so many external factors, that sometimes you just dont feel that it is worth making a fight for it. Or is it?
Looking back at the first semester, first year, I expected something more. Or am I expecting too much? Or maybe it is just me. All of the sudden, learning has gotten a little boring recently. With no will to learn, you are obviously not motivated to do well. Certainly you want to have good grades, but where is that spark needed in learning? Where is that spirit? Is learning all about attending lectures, memorizing notes, and mugging in the library all day long? Where is the fun that? And the modules? There is just no room for me to be engaged in the subject. It has become really passive in terms of learning and acquiring knowledge. In short, i’ve still yet to find the ‘x-factor’ that would kickstart my interest in learning and to some extent, studying. What is the missing ingredient?
Perhaps maybe I’m setting myself too high of an expectation early on before I matriculated. I was so psyched to enter uni and had hoped to relive my days in NYP. Sadly, it’s not the case, or rather not yet the case. I’ve reduced my expectations and I’ll be more than happy if I can clear this semester without any hitches. Any setbacks that I would experience in the days ahead would be a double blow for me. The first blow would obviously be the pain of having to lower my expectation, knowing full well that it cannot be met just yet, and secondly, I cannot even maintain a bare minimum to clear this semester.
Have I truly arrived at a brick wall. Is this the start of a spiralling staircase down to even worse things to come? Is this it? My threshhold?
If there are truly setbacks, man, I dunno how I’m gonna handle it. Its been a while since i had such a major setback in life. Life can truly be surprising, and when your life is being dealt with a bad hand, its how you play it that counts.