Drowning

Sometimes, when you are plunged into a period where there is so much work to do, you cant help but think, whether if this is all worth it. I keep telling myself that this is all gonna be over soon. That this is just temporary and everything will be back to normal. But now, im starting to doubt myself on whether i can truly achieve. I’m starting to lose sight of my goals. Starting to lose sight of the people I love. Starting to lose sight of myself. This tumult of emotions is unbearable, and sometimes i break down. I dont show it, but there are instances where i just wanna lie down and pretend that all these is nothing but a mere dream.When I wake up everything would be normal, with my friends around me, as if nothing had ever happened.

Day in day out, i worked so hard, managed my time as best as i can and i still feel that it is inadequate. I still feel that despite putting my 100% everyday from morning till night, i end up dissapointing myself over and over again. Telling my myself that I can still do better than that. How can I possible continue like this when I don’t know how to best myself and that I am already at my limits? Expectations runs high, but I constantly fear not meeting those expectations. Im procrastinating more and more nowadays.

I have sacrificed so much time for myself that im starting to lose control. And when I think of it, I just zone out, refusing to believe it, and instead immersing myself with more work. Staying up late, starting the day early, punishing myself time and time again, hoping that i would get it right this time. But its just a vicious cycle. How did it ended up like that?