Speaking of memory lane

I have been keeping a journal and writing my thoughts, feelings and experiences throughout all these years. I’ve never kept a traditional journal where you wrote stuff with a physical journal book. I grew up in an era of the internet and while it was the early years where the noisy , 28.8kpbs modems were in vogue, I quickly understood blogging on the web, even before blogging was cool. And so there were many journal websites and blogging platforms that I kept over the years as I write. And it was only in the last few years that I acutally tracked down all those sites that I kept, and migrated all my journal entries to WordPress. The power of the internet to archive everything allowed me to keep and preserve my old entries, dating back 15 years ago. 15!

15 years ago I was just 15 years old. I was just starting Secondary 3 at that age when I decided to ‘blog’. This was my very first entry:

Yoz Journal!
Basically, I’m mainly using this journal to record my life as a Band Major. Dunno what that is? Well, its basically being a leader in a military band in Singapore(Cool!). Anyway, my life is pretty stressful balancing work and play with family and friends all at the same time! So one of the reason why I plan to keep a journal is because so that I could voice out my problems, achivements, successes, failures, hates, and love all in this journal. I dont have to contain all my emotions within me. I have good friends to talk to but I just couldn’t find the time to do so. Im soo busy its like im working as a stock broker, lol!. This entry is basically nothing, just to get a hang of it. On Thursday is my promotion ceremony, whereby I will officially be a Band Major, giving out the certificates, badges, sashes, blah blah blah. I dont feel like introducing myself cause i feel its such a cliche. So I guess thats it.2/8/2002

That was what I wrote while I was in secondary 3. My very first entry. I remember the reason why I had this compelling need to write was because at that time, I was going through some rough patches (and of course puberty with all the mood swings and all). I was given a very heavy responsibility and that was to lead a music band in school. I was given the top post, practically overnight. How I deserved it, I will never know. I was a pretty low key kid, never standing out from the crowd much. As a young musician, I was never that talented to stand out to lead the entire band. But life can be cruel at you sometimes, shoving you to uncharted territories. And so it began. My life as band major (and an upcoming ‘O’ level candidate, acne outbreak, your Drum Major with suicidal tendencies, the onset of SARS, moving house, the closure of schools, the stressful Singapore Youth Festival and all the expectations of winning medals all for the sake of your school, bearing on your shouders. Hey no sweat!) with all the trials and tribulations.

Speaking of memory lane, reading my old entries can be embarrassing. I hope one day I can revisit those old entries by starting from the very beginning and slowly working my way up to the present day. Reading old entries written by none other than yourself is like hearing your own voice. It’s so weird and can be cringe worthy. I will definitely go: “I actually I wrote that? What was I thinking?!”