“Numb II”

Numb II…. yes you’ve got it right, im not feeling good right now. Its not about friendship or anything. Its about me. I have been feeling unsettled this past week. My mind cant seem to be at peace, i have been thinking alot lately, about so many things, family, friends, the future, the past, school and many other things. My mind is in chaos and i have difficulty sleeping. It took me 1 to 2 hours of thinking before i could finally get to sleep. Im feeling mentally drained, and im not in my peaked condition. I constantly worry about alot of things, even the slightest of things, i tend to worry and ponder before i got to bed. I dunno why i think so much, but its unsettling. I can’t perform as well as i should be and things around me seems out of hands falling apart. Even if i could get enough sleep, ive been dreaming alot lately, and its the same thing again and again. Im constantly dreaming about me hanging out with a bunch of friends which i dunno them and smoking! Its really annoying and frightening at times, and everytime i dream about that, im always at someplace different, hanging there and lighting a cigerate. This is soo scary. It seemed sooo real and lifelike that i wonder to myself, is this how you feel when you smoke? I could feel the warmthness of the smoke going through my throat and into my lungs and felt sooo good! Its really scary.

Anyway, back to the main topic. Yeah, ive been feeling “lost”, like my mind is somewhere whenever i do things. Whenever someone tells me something, im not listening. Im not giving my 100% when i do stuff. My mind is troubled lately.

Sihui, I’m truly sorry for what happened today. I didnt take your suggestion seriously and you were right that i should stop Eugene from conducting the band during the sectionals immediately. I didnt take your feelings into consideration. I was partially at fault also because i was also very selfish. I didnt wanted to stop him because i actually wanted to play Ross Roy from begining to the end. I didnt have the chance that day, when we finished the remedial the playing was over. I just wish i could have better that day and i think that emotions overuled judgement during that time. Youre are the student conductor and i think that you deserve better than that. The following song has nothing to do with anybody but myself.

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“Numb” (Linkin Park)
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

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