Wow…

Wow… 0402 is really one of a kind.

Ive never experienced this kind of things before, that we would be so understanding of each other.

I really appreaciate your concern for me and your hopes that i would be happy again. I feel much better as a matter of fact after talking to Allen, straightening things out, apologising at my most sincere of apologies to him. He was surprisingly more understanding that what i would hope to be.

I really dunno how to put it into words but ill try…

During that time… i felt really horrible and the fact that my actions will lead to more severe consequence made me feel worse…Its like a domino effect and one by one.. knew about what ive done, how ive “let the cat out of the bag” and how it effected more and more people.. it made me feel worse. Im under the impression that, “oh no, ive done something wrong, now everybody would think me differently” and it just didnt made me feel any better.

And for me to apologise at that moment of a heated situation, was not right for me. Im a sucker at apologising face to face, ill get emotional and stuff. I dont usually express my feelings that often you know… who do i express my deepest of emotions to? I rarely get the chance to do that. Thats why im a sucker at it.

So thats why, i avoided you all, your messages, and everythign. I feel that this is the best way to remedy the situation. By not having me there and you all putting a facade ( a fake impression) during an unresolved situation, it would be better i would appear again, until the situation has been resolved and fully understood by all parties. Thats why i avoided you all, because i know ive made a mistake and by apologizing and making you understand me in the situation, it would be impossible because, the situation hasnt been resolved. It would be empty apologies…

Furthermore, ive not the strength to face you all, after what ive done, it was really really foolish of me and to see you all at this point of time, i would be really really scared, not knowing what to do, paralysed, embarrased beyond my control. The reason being, 0402 is all that ive got in my life right now and if seeing how my friends see me differently, it would be all too painful for me.

My greatest fear ( besides spiders… trust me, thier webs ugh!) is… losing a friend, or worse friends for this case. You have no idea how scared i am, to loose a friend just by doing somethign foolish and i dont have a wide circle of friends, 0402 is all ive got. I dont have any sec friends in our course, its difficult to me to make friends all over again from scratch without the support of anyone, its just like when im in secondary school, exactly what happened when im in sec 1, i was the only student from Peiying Primary to go to Northland Secondary and it freaked me out.

And the effort of making new friends especially in 0402 really paid off. I think we are the luckiest bunch of people to know each other in 0402. Ive never seen soo much unity in class than ever before, It is astronomical that knowing you after barely 9 weeks, i feel that we have known each other for years. Its a miracle that i get this feeling. And on top of that, you guys are soo understanding! Ive never seen people, or met people who are soo understanding, even to the people whom ive inflicted pain, you guys are really incredible. You are able to express your concerns to another person in such a level that i have never done so in my life.

As such, i must thank you, for making the healing process go much faster. I will be back on track as soon as i feel ready, and it will not take long. I just need to gather up my courage and patch back the “face” that ive lost.

wow…0402 is really one of kind.